• About
  • Academic Publications
  • Bioethics
  • Blog!
  • Columnist: In-Training
  • Narrative Medicine: Why I Write

Sarab Sodhi

~ My Life in Medicine

Sarab Sodhi

Author Archives: Sarab Sodhi

The crazy person in the coffee shop

14 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by Sarab Sodhi in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Boards, Coffee shop, Crazy, Life, Med school


I realized today that medical school’s finally done it. I’ve lost what marbles I had left. In the coffee shop as I desperately studied heme-onc for the exam tomorrow I was talking to myself as I saw lab values, describing microcytic and macrocytic anemias and types of leukemias and lymphomas. Looked up, and I saw three people around me watching me with an intensely guarded impression.

I probably look like I escaped a loony bin, talking to myself, cursing and smiling as I get things right and wrong. Maybe I should be sent into one after Boards?

Link

Boards are Taking Over!

07 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by Sarab Sodhi in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment


Boards are Taking Over!

For now, goodbye until I’m done the Boards!

Of Stool Samples and Dr. Goljian

14 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by Sarab Sodhi in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Humor, medicine, Pathology, Stool


You know you’re studying GI when this is the joke Dr. Goljian makes:

 

“It’s not a very nice test to do, sending stool to the laboratory  It always gets lost. I can’t imagine how something like that gets lost. But it always does. Especially 72 hour stool collections. For which you probably have to bring in a wheelbarrow. I don’t know how something that big gets lost. It’s an amazing thing. Send it by FedEx, anything, it gets lost!”

 

For those of you who’re cursed to study Pathology, Goljian (and Pathoma’s Dr. Sattar) are some of the best out there!

Waterboarding. AKA Thinking about Step 1

31 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by Sarab Sodhi in Bioethics, Medicine

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Step 1, Torture, USMLE


Studying for Step 1 -http://whatshouldwecallmedschool.tumblr.com/post/24640000623/studying-for-step-1

 

If you know any second year medical students, right about now they’re at least freaking out about Step 1. Good words for this state are worried, scared, terrified, crapping their pants, praying, anxious, depressed, terrified and crapping their pants again.

 

For those of you lucky enough not to know what Step 1 is, it’s an exam. That doesn’t sound too bad you say. It’s an 8 hour exam. Okay, that could be hard. It’s an 8 hour exam based off two years worth of medical school material. That’s hard. It’s actually an 8 hour exam based off two years worth of medical school material which tests esoteric facts sometimes, and asks you questions which may seem simple but in reality are nowhere near.

It will present a case about a patient, who’s got certain symptoms. Somehow you recognize the disease. Excited you read on, to find that they’re asking not for the treatment, which you remember, nor for the side effects which you remember as well, but for the treatment of that side effect… (Course that’s only some of the tougher questions, but you get why medical students devolve into a quivering ball of anxiety with just the thought of this exam.)

So, we live in fear, going through new material, required sessions at the hospital and lectures that at the moment seem irrelevant to us completely. We chafe at any distraction from our prime study time, and are constantly anxious and jittery. Coffee consumption skyrockets, breaks consist of eating hurriedly in the face of work.

But, funnily enough we still don’t study per se. At least I don’t. Not enough.

At the moment the fear and the anxiety are there, but for some reason the motivation to really work is still missing.

Hoping it comes soon, with <90 days to the Boards.

 

I am not crazy. My mother had me tested.

22 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by Sarab Sodhi in Food, Medicine

≈ Leave a comment


Nosophobia: Medical Student Syndrome
A constellation of signs and symptoms which a medical student believes he or she has while learning about a particular disease in medical school; a collection of psychosomatic symptoms resulting from the study of a disorder as a medical student
Segen’s Medical Dictionary. © 201
So, it’s a common thing we do in medical school. As we learn about the horrors of each disease, we convince ourselves we have it and go running for actual medical attention. It’s highly amusing in most cases- especially since once we’d done the STD lectures I found out that a large proportion of my class had suddenly gone to the student health service… How do I know? I tried making an appointment (obviously for something else, Mom) and found out it was booked solid.
It’s a little harder when you start doing things like Psych. Despite what medicine tells us many of us have still got that internalized belief that psych conditions are different from disease. Something we have, be it broken bones, infections, scratches, warts or the clap- it’s physical, can be fixed and doesn’t change who we think we are.
Psych seems different. It’s taking your self, your view of who you are and why you are and looking at it with clinical eyes. That’s scary. So, we live in denial, never thinking of what conditions we have, or we delve into it convincing ourselves we have these conditions.
Part of the problem is, few of the med students I speak to are willing to talk about this publicly. But most have mentioned a few things in common. So, I’m going to use myself (and unnamed others) as case studies and mention some of the more common psych diseases we give ourselves as medical students.
**
Note: This is a humorous post. It’s not meant to tell you that all medical students are depressed/schiophrenic/manic, or that the rubrics are trash. It’s meant to show you how easily medical students can convince themselves of a disease. And to show, that studying medicine can make you seem (ok, maybe become) crazy…
**
Schizophrenia:
Disorganized speech- Just listen to a medical student talk half the time, grasping for words, and attempting to make sense of what they mean. We all show single word aphasia, trying to recall that one word or that one drug name…
Flat Affect, Social Withdrawal- To be a medical student you’ve got to be willing to lock yourself into a room for numerous hours a day with your books as your only companion. You talk to yourself, mumble, curse… And you sound always like you’re about to fall asleep.
Manic Episodes:
Distractability: A medical student’s looking for distractions- cue the hours/days/years spent on Facebook, wasting time. Or watching How I Met Your Mother, or sleeping, or…
Irresponsibility: Right after an exam, if you see med students out you’re going to see us binge drinking, binge eating, jumping out of airplanes, spending money like crazy, trying retail therapy…
Grandiosity: We’re going to be doctors, save lives, drive fast cars, have obnoxiously expensive houses … Need I go on?
Flight of Ideas: Try talking to a medical student… Yeah, I was walking here from the subway, damn not eaten in hours, what I’d give for a meatball sub. Oh which disease gives you a meatball and spaghetti pathology? Oh yeah, that fungus, Malassezia. Oh, speaking of fungus, that fungus on that guys toe was smelly man…
Decreased Sleep:

Who needs sleep when you have coffee?

Major Depressive Disorder:
Sleep Disturbance: Most med students sleep less than 6 hours a night…
Loss of Interest: “What’d you do on your day off? I ate pizza and watched TV…”
Guilt: “Should have studied more for that test… Why’d I need to go out and work out and eat healthy? Jeez, gotta get my priorities straight”
Appetite Changes:

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=studying+and+pizza&hl=en&tbo=d&rlz=1C1CHFX_enUS483US483&biw=1517&bih=741&tbm=isch&tbnid=PDBzb_3zB2q0xM:&imgrefurl=http://www.butler.edu/admission/student-perspectives/blogs/cathryn/2012/12/an-ode-to-pda/&docid=wBiQqmfohQazXM&imgurl=http://www.butler.edu/admission/student-perspectives/blogs/cathryn/files/2012/12/IMG-20121212-00008.jpg&w=2560&h=1920&ei=QBj_ULuwHMzU0gG1lIGYDg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1049&vpy=286&dur=1262&hovh=194&hovw=258&tx=158&ty=67&sig=105700042545652159341&page=1&tbnh=133&tbnw=173&start=0&ndsp=32&ved=1t:429,r:14,s:0,i:123

Food and Pizza (Source: http://tinyurl.com/a9rkoc5)

Loss of Energy: 
OCD:
Perfectionism: “That suture’s not right? Let me rip it and all the others out and do a hundred more…”
Funny thing is, these are all applicable. Some to more degrees than others, but I see these characteristics in myself and a lot of other people. I’ve convinced myself I’m not schizophrenic, obsessive compulsive or depressed. I’m just in medical school!
And as Sheldon Cooper would say,

A foodies delights in London

02 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by Sarab Sodhi in Food, Travel

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Borough Market, Food, London, Travel


For the new year I went off on a trip with a mate to London. While here, one of the first things we did which was totally off the beaten track was a trip to Borough market. The market was foodie heaven- and I wasn’t the only one enjoying the gastronomic delights.

Image

There were a half dozen cheese places with some delicious cheeses sourced from places with names as quaint as Gloucestershire. The goat cheeses were deliciously flavored and textured.

The crowning glory for me was the burgers however. I grabbed a 3M burger from Boston Market (named after the original Boston in Lincolnshire) which was a deliciously crafted pork burger succulent and dripping with flavor. For the vegetarians there was a host of veggie stuff- from burgers, sandwiches etc.

Image

(My mate enjoying a burger!)

The last place I tried was a little hot sandwich place. Expecting delicious food, seeing the long lines we chose to try the food from there. While not bad, it didn’t favorably compare to the burgers etc. we had eaten earlier.Image

Indoctrination

24 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by Sarab Sodhi in Bioethics, Medicine, Travel

≈ Leave a comment


Funny thing about life, things you thought you’d never be able to do become a habit. And once that habit forms it’s dreadfully hard to break or even step away from.

The first months of med school I was always worried I’d never be able to put in the work. I was worried that the sheer quantity of what I needed to know was so much I’d be discouraged and apathetic and stop before I start. That was before I realized the potent power of indoctrination.

This winter break marks one and a half years since I began medical school. I’m three days into break, and all three days I’d catch myself thinking of things I had to do. Thinking, wait I didn’t hear lecture. No, wait there was no lecture…. I think of tasks, lectures, studying, emails, work all that needs to be done. And I’ve consciously had to stop myself from thinking of the work.

Instead I’ve thrown myself into all the things I’ve neglected these past six months in medical school. This involves exciting things like endless hours of TV. Getting up to go to the gym’s surprisingly become a chore since I have to break away from the fascination of Newsroom or Royal Pains. I think I’m succesfully resisting the indoctrination at this point- getting 10 hours of sleep a day, eating relaxed meals and not doing anything. The bliss of stillness (relatively speaking of course) is unparalleled.

I still however have work to do, and I intend to do it smack in the middle of my vacation. Since my bioethics program is so relaxed I have papers still due, however I intend to do them in the next few days- sitting at a little cafe in London.

So that’s how I intend to get away from this before I start the torture of preparing for my Boards. For those of you who remain blissfully unaware- the boards are the licensing exams we have to take over our medical education. The first one, Step 1, is to be taken at the end of second year. It covers all the material we’ve learnt in the first two years of medical school and is a 8 hour behemoth. So, I intend to profess ignorance at my eventual fate and enjoy the next few days in London.

Happy Holidays!

Because it’s There

05 Wednesday Dec 2012

Posted by Sarab Sodhi in Medicine, Philosophy

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

quotes, religion, spirituality


Often when one’s going through a tough time or a trying period in one’s life, one questions the reasons. Why we’re here and what we’re enduring it for. We look for meaning and reasons for the things that we don’t like- the fickleness of Lady Luck, the bad hands fate deals and above all for the reason bad things happen. Some of us turn to religion for meaning, for a purpose in life. Which, as far as I’m concerned is fine.

All of us look for a purpose, a meaning and a reason to the challenges and the pain life throws in our way. Some of us find it in religion, in belief in something greater than ourselves and find comfort in that belief. Others look for it in different places. Some look in the eyes of their children, their life’s work, or their lovers embrace. Some look for it in the act of living itself, others in a lifelong pursuit of meaning.

The fact is none of our paths to meaning are the same. Even within our denominations, our belief systems and our families- we each use a unique way to determine what we’re here for. Each system is perfect for the person it works for and imperfect for everyone else.

So, why, you ask am I writing this? Well, it’s quite simple. Sometimes one looks back on the road one’s walked, and wonders for a moment- why? Today, for whatever reason I’m looking back on a year and a half of medical school and asking myself- why did I do it? Free of any value judgement, why’d I make this decision?

The simple answer is I’m not quite sure. It just seemed like the path that (courtesy of Chance, Fate, Life, God, Zeus, the Flying Spaghetti Monster…) I needed to walk. So, I began the walk.

You see, I’m an existentialist at heart (I think). I seek meaning as I construct it for myself, and my meaning changes as I change. At the moment, my meaning of life seems to be surviving medical school with some vestige of my sanity, as well as continuing that lifelong search for meaning.

Existentialism holds a particular thrill for me- as a belief system its uniquely suited to the changes ones mind, beliefs and psyche goes through. As I’ve lived my short, short life, I’ve seen myself change a lot and perhaps even grow. The changes have been such that my definition of life, meaning and happiness have changed with me each time- but my essential path seems to fit the pattern. From Kierkergaards version of living life with passion and sincerity (authenticity) to Nietzsche’s discarded values and the search for oneself. The fact of the matter is that existentialism lends itself well to moulding around oneself, to providing a workable system as one continues to search for that ever elusive truth.

As a skeptic, something tells me at the end I’ll discover that the truth for which I search, that always missed meaning of life does not exist. The why’s and what for’s we utter about life are perhaps answered by George Mallory’s famous words- “Because its There”.

The Rapids

20 Tuesday Nov 2012

Posted by Sarab Sodhi in Philosophy

≈ 2 Comments


“There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly. 

Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water. And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, Least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.”

I’m not a mystical person in any sense of the word. But, for some reason these words that my yoga teacher spoke about today struck me as an appropriate metaphor for life.

Life is a fast moving stream. It forces you to go down paths you may not want to, to leave behind people you’d like to hold onto. It exerts great force and pushes or pulls you down one way or another. Sometimes it leads you down paths you like, that make you happy. And at other times it pushes you over rapids and rocks, leaving you bleeding and lost. At the end of the day though, you can’t hold onto the shore, or swim upstream all the way. You’d end up battered and bruised, pushed down the path you were avoiding anyways. Sometimes, life insists you endure what it throws at you.

One can respond to those rapids with anger and a fierce shaking of the fist at the fates that have put you there. Or, one can accept them for what they are and what they are doing to you. You need not enjoy the rapids, you need not look forward to them. But, you must endure them- in pain perhaps, but with the realization that calmer waters follow.

As I stand today, I realize I have no hold over life, no way of forcing it to steer one way or another. I can make my choices and go with them, but I have no way of controlling the outcomes. Some will be good, others not so much- the only thing I can do is make them, and keep going.

A Glimpse into Insanity- A case study

15 Thursday Nov 2012

Posted by Sarab Sodhi in Medicine, Travel

≈ Leave a comment


In true medical school style, I’m going to present a case study, but with the following disclaimer.

The following case studies are completely fictional.

A 26 year old male and a 24 year old female both present to your psychiatric practice.

The male reports recent risk taking behavior- increased alcohol intake, numerous sexual partners, and ignoring “the things that are important because they get to be too much.” He also reports recent binge eating, decreased motivation and drive and less willingness to do work.

The female reports increased risk taking behavior of a different kind. She says that she ‘like the country song’ went skydiving, Rocky Mountain climbing, bull riding etc. She reports an increase in “retail therapy” in the hundreds of dollars as well as frequent trips to the bars so she can feel pretty and like a person again.

As they keep talking, they both report symptoms of a compulsive disorder. They report feeling pressured and forced into doing something that doesn’t always bring them joy. Fearing abuse, you question them further. They report shirking their “duty” for awhile, just so they can pretend they don’t have to do it- then experiencing guilt, until they return to their duty- resentful and angry.

Realizing that your typical medical interview’s gone to the dogs, you ask them what duty? And what do they do for a living?
Oh, they reply, we’re medical students.

At this point, you’re shaking your head at me and wondering if the glimpse into Insanity is talking about the case study or me… Read on.

While tongue in cheek and fictional, the stories above are amalgams of real people.  The point they’re meant to illustrate is the nature of medicine- medical school in particular. Everyone has coping mechanisms for dealing with life, and everyone has things to cope with. Medical school’s no different- we all have coping mechanisms and things that keep us sane. The only difference is the level of the assault on our sanity. Our sanity is assaulted on a regular basis, by a cycle of exams, recovery, scrambling to catch up, and exams again… There’s a constant stream of information coming at a medical student- things to learn, things to do and places to be. The stress is institutionalized in the way medicine is taught- and I’ll leave discussions of right/wrong to a later post. At the moment, it is- and it must be endured.

We all have coping mechanisms- some healthy, some not. For me, my coping mechanisms are simple. Exercise is a big one. One day a week is too busy for exercise. And that day I’m pretty miserable- I guess I’m addicted. But, a rowing class or a yoga class can have me walking out feeling like a million bucks.

The next big coping mechanism I use is escaping the rat race. We all feel the need to excel, to stand out. I (now more so than before) realize that studying for hours on end to learn specious detail isn’t joyful and exciting- and it’s not how I’m going to stand out. Instead, I choose to do things that make me stand out. Like my Masters in Bioethics, or a research project I’m doing, or a dozen other little things. They make me feel accomplished, without reducing my net self worth to my grades.

Family and friends are another great one.  I keep myself sane using the people who matter to me. My family, who I don’t see often enough. My friends, who I never really tell how valuable they are to me. For a lot of my classmates, I think their spouses and kids (despite how annoying they might be) are their best way of keeping sane.

Also, since if you know me or have glanced at the rest of the blog- the other escape that works for me is crazy stuff. For example, (if all goes well), I’m going flying next weekend. *The FAA/TSA probably won’t give me trouble. There’s no worry about a brown guy wanting to learn to fly right?*

And it’s not like med school has a monopoly on hard situations, so everyone ends up using coping mechanisms in life. I think the important thing is realizing that you do need to cope, and recognizing how you choose to cope. What say? How do you cope?

← Older posts
Newer posts →

Match Day

Match Day 2015March 20, 2015
The day my future is revealed

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sarab Sodhi
    • Join 51 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Sarab Sodhi
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...