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Sarab Sodhi

~ My Life in Medicine

Sarab Sodhi

Tag Archives: mental-health

Nihilism in Medical School

19 Wednesday Sep 2012

Posted by Sarab Sodhi in Medicine

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

gaming, health, Medical School, medicine, mental-health, Travel, vacation


So, I’ve been tossing this around in my mind for awhile.

The first two years of medical school are packed. You’re going through material at a breathless pace, learning more than you ever thought you could remember and trying to package and digest that material at ever quickening rates. You begin to feel like a robot, learning about an alien race- with the Krebs cycle, Beta adrenergic receptors, P hormones that feels satisfied with fatty food.

As you wade through the lakes of material, knee deep with a quicksand like consistency you change. Who you are takes on a different meaning- you begin to define yourself more so by the amount of work you’ve done, the things you’ve learnt and the hours invested. The things that gave you pleasure BMS (before medical school) still do, but they’re guilty pleasures. You find yourself living more so in the seven deadly sins than ever.

From gluttony…

To lust… (yes, I’m a HIMYM fan- though a full season behind)

Either way, you find yourself suddenly feeling this sense of emptiness, this lack of meaning, the fleeting feeling that nothing really matters and life is meaningless. You find yourself asking if saving a person’s life from an MI or a PE or any other part of the alphabet soup of conditions really means anything. You ruminate on the purpose of life, on the why, the what for and the who cares. (Or maybe that’s just me)

You look at your life, filled with pathology, viruses, bacteria, anatomy, physiology and the like; devoid of most everything else. And then you realize how vast a gulf separates you from the rest of the world- the seeming naivete and rosy-eyed view they have is hidden from you.

So, how do you cope? Well you find and create meaning. You give your life purpose, add to it. Make it worth something to yourself and to others. Personally, I exercise- I run, I lift weights and I work up a good sweat. Some people turn to religion, I’m an atheist. So, I turn to yoga. I cook making the very act of making food cathartic and therapeutic. Doctor Who is my new guilty pleasure, letting me escape to worlds beyond this one- and the quintessential loneliness of his character resonates, I imagine, with each viewer. Most importantly, I enjoy the support of an amazing group of people. From my family, friends, acquaintances and more.  I spend time with them all as often as I can- even if it’s remotely. I find writing handwritten letters to my grandfather to be a more candid way of communicating than when I’m sitting in the room with him sometimes.  I make my own meaning.

For that’s my view of nihilism- at least in medical school. Nothing means anything. At least not on its own. We give it meaning by what we choose to value, what we choose to believe and what we choose to cherish. So give your life some meaning today, give it a purpose. Live vicariously, purposefully and powerfully.

And while you’re at it, make someone else’s life a little better too. That never hurts.

In case you’re wondering what brought on this philosophical reflection and random spewing of words- its a book (“Hannibal and Me”). I highly recommend it more so since it uses some of my favorite quotes of all time:

“If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same”

A Year in Medical School: Reflections

12 Tuesday Jun 2012

Posted by Sarab Sodhi in Medicine

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

health, Medical School, medicine, mental-health


It’s almost been a full (calendar) year since medical school began. I’m officially a second year medical student- and this year’s been a momentous one. As I look back on it, here’s some of the things that I learnt along the way.

Fire Hose: Med School really is like a firehose you’re supposed to drink from. It’s high pressure, it’s intense, it’s humanly impossible to get it all down your throat. The idea is that you gulp, swallowing big but manageable amounts and manage to just keep drinking. That’s the challenge.

Intelligence may not help you: If you’re one of those people who managed to get through PChem class napping, or didn’t have to freak out about Biochemistry, or Immunology in college- you’re probably going to have a tough time in med school. ‘Cause no matter howsmart you are, there’s no way of intuitively getting a lot of the material that you’re supposed to learn. A lot of it’s just good old fashioned memorization. And you might as well resign yourself to having to learn to actually work- because the material may be made easier by your intelligence, but you’ll have to learn to work really hard in a disciplined manner- which for me has been terribly challenging.

Big Fish, Big Pond: Everyone in medical school will be a copy of you. Some will be better copies of you. One of my classmates, went for a 10 mile (I think) run, before taking his MCAT. A group of them get up every morning to practise crossfit before coming to class. Others still, run half marathons, or teach part-time, or design prostheses, or are involved in every single thing at the school. Prepare to deal with a lot of people who may do things you do- and to your mind better than you can do them. That’s the idea of moving from where you were the best (or the only one) to being a group that has an MCAT average of 34, and a GPA of 3.8

Find Your Bliss: Med School’s not nice to you (scratch that- life’s not going to be nice to you). It’s important to find what you love to do, your anchor to sanity and stress release and make it a part of your routine. For me, that’s exercise. If I don’t go to work out for a couple of days, I start feeling a little down. For other classmates (who are musically gifted, unlike my tone-deaf self)- it’s music. For others, it’s running, or cooking, or playing with their dogs or significant others… It doesn’t matter what it is- just find what you need and do it regularly.

Open Up: Med School seems to foster this intense belief that you need to hide your feelings as weakness that your classmates will use against you. Firstly, if that’s true- you go to a terrible med school. Secondly, nine times out of ten, what you’re feeling is common to a majority of your classmates. Try to share and see- you may be surprised.

Social Life: They say you can’t have a social life in medical school. They say a lot of things. They’re wrong. It’s important to have one- it’s essential to your state of mind, and it’s easy to do. Just don’t make your social life the center of your existence, and you’re good. For example, I go out for meals with friends fairly regularly. I go visit people when I can, and I go do fun things when I can.

Time is Short: I started med school a somewhat different person than I am today.  Who didn’t. I specifically mean in terms of a willingness to do stupid things. Let me explain. I started, not averse to, but not searching for adventure. Now, I’m setting up sky diving plans for the end of the summer. I’m hosting a Thanksgiving dinner at my house (it’s adventurous because I’ve never made a roast Turkey…), I’m trying to make international trips when I can, to see the world when I can.

Live with Someone: I’m someone who needs a degree of human contact from time to time. That’s called being a human being. Some people are capable of managing without any for a week at a time. Hats off to them- I can’t do that. So, I suggest living with someone. You can choose someone in med school or not. Pro’s are that they’re not going to throw a party the night before the anatomy final- unless they’re really fun. They’re going to get your stress, and you can help each other out. Cons are- they’re in med school. You need friends from outside of med school. I live with a classmate, and it’s great- but in that situation, find people not in medicine you can connect with.

Be better: Every day of your life, you should be better than the day before. It sounds exhausting. But it’s important. So, this summer, I’m learning to cook a few more dishes than I have in the past, as well as continuing to try to get into shape. Find what you’re weak at, or want to be better at, and go.

Don’t get doughy: I say this with the conviction of being a recovering Pillsbury Dough Boy. I started college, and over the course of college, put on 60 pounds. The first year of med school I lost 20 of those. A lot of my classmates gained instead. Med school’s stressful, and we all like to stress eat. So, try to exercise, stock up on healthy food, don’t eat at every pizza thing the school does…

Prepare to be Poor: I’m going to graduate medical school $250,000+ in debt. Accept that, and chant it to yourself. It’s not meant to scare you, and you’re meant to push it to the back of your mind. It makes failing out of med school an expensive proposition but they actively work to prevent that. Still, that leads me to…

…But don’t live like a pauper: Since you’re going to be $250,000 in debt, at least live a little bit. Don’t subsist on Ramen noodles and water, and don’t live in a cardboard box. But, at the same time, no need to mistake yourself for a Rockefeller. Moderation in all things, as Petronius said. Still, sometimes a nice dinner at a nice restaurant, with a good bottle of wine can make a week. Just saying.

If you’re a medical student, or were one, drop your words of wisdom in the comment section. Do you agree/disagree? What would you suggest?

If you’re going to med school, ask away.

And if you’re a layperson, thinking, wow, doctors (and doctors in pretension) are crazy- you’re right.

 

 

Match Day

Match Day 2015March 20, 2015
The day my future is revealed

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